In Full Bloom

The other day, Kim from After the Ball, wrote a list of characteristics of people that she might not be compatible with as friends.  The number one item on this list was mean girls and I found this to be interesting, since um……me too.  Alot.  Especially lately. 

It seems that recently I have been chosen to participate in a test of patience called See How Long You Can Tolerate the Bad Behavior of the Snotty Girls in Your Daughter’s Class, also known as Reliving Your Junior High Years. 

It sucked the first time through.  I really didn’t need a refresher course.  And I saw the movie.  You know the one?  It’s called Mean Girls?  And they were.  Mean, that is.  But to live it out, through your daughter’s eyes?  It’s just downright painful. 

The difference is, though, that she is not in Junior High. She is in fifth grade.  These girls are 10 or 11?  And yet, they are just as bad as their 12, 13 and 14 year old counterparts.  They say and do all the things that mean girls say and do, and it hurts me just as much as it hurts her. 

This Mean Girl business started up around the end of last year, in fact, and it has escalated to a point where I don’t know what to do, or if there is anything that I CAN do about it.  It seems that there is one Queen Bee in particular that is running the show in Fifth Grade.  And she has her little Wannabes in a group that follow her every move.  This girl will TELL you that she IS the MOST POPULAR girl in fifth grade.  That might be because her sidekicks are telling HER that all the time.  She walks like she’s “it”, she talks like she is “it”, so I guess that makes her “it’?  I don’t know. 

She and her posse are cooler than cool, and feel that it is their job to imform everyone else that they are not, if they are not part of the clique.  You should see these girls trying to fit into this group!  They BEG their moms to invite Queen Bee to sleepover, etc.  And the moms cave to the pressure.  It is sick.

One thing I do know is that I am so glad that Allison talks to me frequently about this.  I see it at school when I am subbing, but I get the inside scoop from her.  She is not part of the posse.  And I am glad.  (Because if MY daughter ever…….well, you get the idea…) 

Now you might say  “Sounds like sour grapes to me.”  And I can see why you might feel that way at first blush.  But really, here’s the deal.  Allison really has no desire to be friends with these girls.  And I love that.  I see these other girls who are willing to do anything to be part of the group and it scares me.  And Allison, she is not interested.  She never has been a follower.  I am so thankful that she knows who she is well enough to know that she does not want to be around girls like that.  But….and there is a big “but” here…..she does not want to be embarrassed by them anymore.  And it’s not just her, lots of other girls, too.  And they should not have to be. 

I have spoken to the teachers and have gotten no results.  The general feeling is that this is how it is at this age.  Not reassuring at all, I might add, and very frustrating.  So we have resorted to encouraging Allison to resort to making remarks back when they belittle her about being “so flat” as she dresses out in the girls’ room for P.E. class.  (um, hello…..you are supposed to be flat when you are all of eleven years old)  And it pisses me off that any girl should have to endure that kind of pressure about her body.  I know.  I have felt it myself.  It.  Sucks. 

So I am not sure that I am doing the right thing, but for now spending lots of time talking to her about it helps, I guess.  And I guess that it will get worse before it gets better.

I just love her so much.  I want to protect her.  And I can’t.  So I guess I have to empower her.