In Full Bloom

I say it’s the beans, but actually it is vegetables all together.  The beans took center stage tonight however.  Trent hates them.  All vegetables.  Hates.  Did I mention that he hates them?

To work around this little dining issue we have had to sort of compromise.  Instead of forcing the vegetable issue every night, I substitute the vegetables that the rest of us are eating with one of the three fruits that Trent will in fact eat.  That would be apples, strawberries or bananas.  Or applesauce.  Usually this works out just fine, but every once in awhile I get a wild hair and decide to stage a vegetable challenge. 

I don’t know why I do this.  I really should have learned my lesson by now.  I know that I never, ever win at this game, and yet I persist.  This kid is stubborn with a capital S an no matter what I cannot ever pull one over on him. 

I have tried hiding the vegetables.  I have tried disguising them.  We’ve tried bribery.  We’ve tried enticing him with a dancing party if he eats them.  We’ve said that we will sing.  Brett makes funny faces.  We tout how big and strong he will get.  We beg.  We plead.  We beg some more.  We threaten to take away dessert. *ouch*

And he pouts.  Clamps his damn mouth shout even.  And it always ends up miserably.

Almost every time, without fail, there is gagging.  And at least one time the whole dinner actually came up, making me reluctant to pursue the issue further, because well….who wants to a) be responsible for making your kid throw up and b) be responsible for cleaning up the aftermath, especially during dinner?  But it’s the guilt that I can’t stand.  I did this.  I MADE him do this.  BAD mommy!

Tonight I warned him ahead of time that I would be placing one green bean on his plate and that I expected him to eat it, or at the very least try it or there would be no dessert, and he pitched a fit right away, announcing loudly in a rather defiant tone that he WOULD NOT be eating it, that beans are yucky, and he HATES them.  Did I mention yet that he hates them? 

WIth one look I recruited Brett and Allison into helping the cause and they launched into all the ways you could make them taste better, and that they really were good because mommy cooked them with bacon and you love bacon.  And besides you’ve never really tried them.  How do you know if you like something or not if you haven’t even tried them? 

There was not one iota of interest. 

I could see this was going to be a battle, so we doused them in butter, a favorite of Trent’s.  He would eat the whole stick if you let him.  And nope.  Nothing.

Stinker!

And then I had a brainstorm.  Ding, ding, ding!  Money.  I know, I know.  You’re thinking, you didn’t!  Next to using candy,it has got to be the most shameful way of coercing a kid to do something that I can think of, but I was DESPERATE to win this time.  I kept thinking if I can just get the damn bean in his mouth he’ll like it and then I’ll never have to do this again and he’ll be begging for beans all the time! 

I whip out my wallet and wave a dollar in front of his eyes.

“I’ll give you one dollar if you eat that bean.”  Bingo!  I had his attention!

“Really?”  he said with reluctance, but a twinkle in his eyes that said I had his interest piqued. 

 ”Let’s make it two dollars.”  I said.  Eyes open wider!

“Hmmmm……” he says. 

“Three.” I add.

“Three dollars AND dessert!”  he countered.  What the hell is this?  Let’s Make a Deal?

So I agree to this little arrangement. 

He picks up the bean, still loaded in butter, and holds it in front of his mouth with apprehension, and yet he wants the money.  So he pops it in his mouth.

I’m thinking YES!  This is it!  This is the moment!  I am SO smart!

Yeah.  WhatEVER. 

The bean is not even in his mouth all the way and the gag starts coming.  And out pops the bean into his napkin and the tears start.

“SEE!” he shouts at me, “I HATE beans!”

And I lose again.  And there is the guilt, because he really didn’t get dessert.  And I feel mean.  But I can’t break the number one rule of parenting:  Never, ever go back on a threat.  I threatened the dessert.  I had to follow through and I hated it.

But do you know what he said to me? 

“I don’t want dessert anyway.  I’m not hungry anymore.”

Bad mommy…..*sigh*